


Fight Me?

by Cookiemonster2000



Series: Zim likes Gaz. That is All [2]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged Up, BAMF Gaz (Invader Zim), Duelling, F/M, FIGHT FIC FIGHT FIC, Fighting, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE AN ACTION-HEAVY FIC BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE BEFORE, Just let the girl play video games, Rivalry, Unresolved Tension, Years Later, Zim has no idea what he's getting himself into
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-01-04 09:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21195377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookiemonster2000/pseuds/Cookiemonster2000
Summary: Zim has prepared an elaborate fight for his nemesis, during which he will dispose of the nuisance once and for all. Unfortunately, said nemesis is unavailable at the moment. So what can our hero do but use the additional time to train, employing a surprisingly helpful resource at his disposal--the Dib-stink's violent little sister.On second thought, maybe he's the one that's gonna be disposed of. . .





	1. Proposition

**Author's Note:**

> *heelies in with neon sunglasses, a doctor who hoodie wrapped around my waist and a backwards baseball cap, chewing that baseball bubble gum you get shredded in the bags*  
didnt you hear, nerd? cringe culture is dead and i write what i want. enjoy

"Today's the day, GIR!!" 

"Yaaaaaay!" GIR cheered and clapped his hands. "What're we doin?"

Zim stopped to look back at his robot companion with disdain. "It's time for revenge! Several weeks ago, the Dib-human threw mashed potatoes in my face!" He shuddered at the memory. "It got my clothes all  _ stinky _ , and  _ wet _ ."

"Hahaha! I looove potatoes!"

"THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!" Zim shouted. "The  _ point  _ is!! Today, after weeks of toiling, I, the Mighty Zim, have hacked into the Membrane family home's defense system! I am going to give Dib a rude awakening and challenge him  _ formally _ to an Irken death battle!"

GIR joined in Zim's uproarious, evil cackle, but stopped when a sound dinged from the kitchen. “My pizza poppers! My pizza poppers!!” he screamed, scrambling to the door.

Zim groaned. “Why must you use the kitchen to  _ cook _ that disgusting tripe?”

“Uhhhhh. . .” GIR returned holding a plate of hot pizza poppers. “What else am I gonna do it for?”

“Nevermind!” Zim shook his head rapidly. “I have set up a terrifying battleground in the basement, where the fight will take place. I will be able to crush the meddling Dib once and for all!” 

He threw back his head and shrieked with laughter, but the effect was ruined by the crunching and smacking from the couch.

“These pizza poppers are spiiiiiiicy!”

The alien shook his head and pulled out a remote control. “I believe I should leave to do my monologuing _elsewhere_,” he spat, hitting a few keys. “And I think the Membrane residence would do quite nicely!”

  
  
  


Even after six years, Zim didn’t trust that fence, so he climbed the tree beside the house and broke the window to Dib’s room. Kicking in the shards, he leapt through the pane, his robotic PAK arms assisting him.

“AHAHAHAHA!” he cackled, landing on the floor with a huge  _ thump _ . The PAK arms lifted him higher than he could stand--a “power move”, as he had heard it referred to. Maintaining a height advantage was very useful in combat. “And now, Dib-stink--time for you to _ face my wrath _ !!”

There was no answer. Carefully, Zim turned around, and around again. The room was stupidly empty--even a few posters were gone from the walls.

“Well, that’s a letdown,” he muttered, retracting the PAK arms. His feet hit the ground-- no point in tactical advantages now.

He headed down the stairs and peeked around the corner. A lone, purple-haired girl sat on the couch. Well, no worries there--the Dib-sister and Zim were on fine terms. Zim had no friends, but if he did, he might consider letting Gazlene Membrane be one of them. She didn’t interfere with him--unless he really got on her nerves (which he had avoided doing for the past few years) so he felt comfortable calling out to her.

"Gaz-humaaAAAaan!! Where is the  _ Dib _ ?”

"Ugh, how did you get  _ in  _ here?" She cut him off as he opened his mouth to answer. "--Nevermind, I don’t want to know.” 

“But where is he? He is not in his chambers--the room I believed that he slept in.”

“You’re so  _ creepy _ ." Gaz didn't even look up from her device. "He's not here this week, he's at space camp."

"A CAMP IN SPAAACE??" Zim gaped. "There can be no such thing! YOU LIIIIEE!!"

The girl narrowed her eyes even more. "Keep screaming. See what happens."

"Eeuhh!” Zim took a quick step back. “There’s no way that the dirt child would abandon our rivalry, especially after he led such a deplorable attack! He had to know that I would seek vengeance. . .” His voice trailed off, Gaz could almost hear his brain switching tracks. “AHA!! A coward! He fled to this SPACE CAMP in order to avoid being vaporized! Tell me where it is, immediately!”

Gaz ignored him.

“I mean-! Gaz-human!!” Zim pleaded. “Tell me where the camp is located! I can get anywhere in space within minutes! I can-- I can even bring you along, if you like!”

Gaz continued playing.

“Aaaaargh!!” He pounded on the ground in sheer frustration. “STOP IGNORING ZIM!”

Gaz’s eye twitched. She couldn’t  _ focus  _ with this noise. . . But she wasn’t in the worst mood, all in all. Might as well have a little fun with her visitor. She paused the game and set the device aside. 

“Zim.” 

Instantly, he perked up and leapt to his feet. “Yes, Gaz-human?”

“I’m not telling you where Dib and Dad are,” she hissed. Zim wilted visibly before shooting back up.

“Why must this be??”

“Because if you fly out there and attack him, Dib will want to come home early. Not only is that a nuisance to me, when I  _ finally  _ get to be by myself for a while, but it would really upset Dad. And as much as Dib annoys me, I want them to be able to have fun. They  _ never  _ do  _ anything  _ together since Dib decided to obsess over  _ you _ , and space camp is something they both love.” As she spoke, Gaz’s voice got incrementally louder and louder, and she threateningly leaned closer and closer to the alien. “This is the first time in  _ ten years  _ since Dib has gone, and the _ first time ever _ that Dad has gone with him and left me behind. I _finally_ have the house all to myself. So you need to  _ back off and wait patiently _ for him to get back. You’re not getting  _ anything  _ from me.  _ Got it _ ?”

Zim was leaning wayyy back, and their faces were still mere inches apart. He blinked, completely frozen, as her breath mixed with his.

"I SAID, _GOT_ _IT_?"

"AAAAH!!" Zim's arms flailed as he abruptly toppled backwards, landing with a  _ thud  _ on the ground.

“Good.” Gaz sniffed and stepped back, satisfied.

“But Zim has painstakingly prepared for weeks!” he whined, untangling his legs. “I don’t _want_ to wait for him to get back, I want to have a death battle!”

“A death battle?” she demanded.

He perked up. “Yes! A traditional Irken battle to the finish! No weapons are allowed, and all fighting types are encouraged. It is a chance to prove your worth! If you win, honor is heaped upon your name!”

“But if you lose, you die,” Gaz reminded him.

"Yes, well!" Zim swung his hand around in a dismissive circular motion. "That is the price the loser must pay. Luckily, the mighty Zim is incapable of failure!!"

Gaz refrained from mentioning a single of the several dozen circumstances in which Zim had done exactly that, and opted for picking up her game device again.

"Well, tough. Guess there's nobody around who can give you enough of a challenge." She said mockingly, resuming her game.

At that, Zim opened his mouth--and closed it. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eyes fixed on the girl on the couch.

The silence was welcome. Maybe if he was going to quiet down, they could play a few rounds of their favorite fighting game together--

"Gaz."

She stopped the game, just so she could look him in the face and raise an eyebrow suspiciously. He had  _ never  _ called her by her real name before, not without some annoying prefix or suffix. This warranted attention.

"Zim." She replied in a matching tone, because it was sure to annoy him.

He bent back a scowl and forced a neutral expression--quite a feat for the overly dramatic alien. "We have known one another for quite a while--several of your earth years, unless I am mistaken. Which I clearly never am."

"Yes, we have." Six, to be exact. Hard to believe it had already been so long.

"Ever since we first met at skool, way back when you were barely more than a smeet."

Gaz refrained from correcting him that  _ eleven years old is far older than an infant _ and simply nodded. She wanted to see where he was going with this.

"We have sat together at lunch before, have we not?"

"When I've got nowhere else to sit, yeah." It was irrelevant that sometimes she just felt like bring with him rather than her usual friend group. It has only happened a few times anyway.

"So would you consider us to be…” He tapped his fingers together nervously. “. . . Allies?"

"I'm not going to help you enslave my planet," Gaz said immediately.

Zim frowned. "I am not asking you to! Zim simply wants to know if he can  _ trust  _ you!"

She considered for a few moments. "Sure."

“Would you be happy if I eliminated the Dib?”

“He is pretty annoying,” Gaz agreed, “and you wouldn’t be able to kill him anyway. So sure.”

Zim’s eyes took on a predatory glint. “Then, I have a proposition for you.”

“You’re really not going to let me play my game, are you?”

“When the mighty ZIM!! Is speaking, all must listen!”

Gaz threw the device aside. Clearly, her time playing was finished until this pest decided  _ he  _ was finished. “ _ Ughhh _ . What do you want from me, Zim?”

“Long ago, I helped you to train for your ‘video games’,” he announced. “Remember how I told you that you owed me a favor?”

“You didn’t  _ help  _ me. I just happened to let you play some online matches with me for a couple of days before my tournament, and you told me in return I needed to be your slave for eternity.” Gaz recalled. “That’s still not happening.”

Zim scoffed. “Pffffff! As IF Zim would even  _ want  _ you as a slave! No, I have a much better idea. You must repay me by helping me train for my ultimate showdown against the Dib-stink!”

Gaz blinked.

“You want me to fight with you?”

“Yes.”

“You barged into my house, demanded I tell you private information, distracted me from Vampire Piggy Hunters XXI, and now you’re actually  _ asking  _ me to kick your butt.”

Zim frowned. “No! I am  _ telling  _ you that by helping me train, you are repaying a debt you owe to me and aiding me in removing an annoyance from your life once and for all.”

Gaz stopped to think about it. She stretched, cracked her knuckles, and leaned back.

Suddenly, a cold chuckle filled the room. Zim suppressed a shudder at the bone-chilling sound, and tried not to feel like he'd just made a terrible mistake.

“So, you said no weapons, right?”


	2. A Legitimate Threat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim begins to think he's _possibly_ made the first ever mistake of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a mini chapter before the REAL fight. Zim would need a real kick in the butt to realize he's actually in serious trouble in order to set up for. . . you know, making sure he takes precautions and, in turn, ensuring that the fight is a REAL one instead of a one-sided massacre. Also a mini Gaz study--try to figure out what's going on in each of these snapshots. . .   
Enjoy!

Zim tried to ignore the flip-flopping in his squeedly-spooch as he considered the upcoming match.

The Gaz-human had been. . .  _ far  _ too compliant with his wishes. He was certain it would take a bit more wheedling to convince her to fight him. The fact that she was being agreeable was. . . frightening. 

He drummed his fingers on the table and considered. Maybe she was really going to try to kill him. Maybe he had made a mistake--

“You gonna get die-d, Master?” GIR asked in his cheerful tone, mixing a bowl full of what looked like mustard, eggs, and a pile of salt.

“Ehh?? Preposterous!!” Zim shouted, doubt gone in an instant and replaced with self-confidence. "There is no  _ way _ that a human female can defeat the Great Invader Zim at an Irken death battle!!"

"Yes, she caaaan!"

"SILENCE, GIR!!" Zim slammed his hands down on the table. "She would not DARE." Surely, the Dib-stink would be upset if his sister defeated his enemy, right? But Dib's feelings had never affected Gaz's actions before…

He traipsed over to the trash can elevator and silently ride it down to the underground lair. This was home to most of his scheming, and he had spent many years enjoying the benefits of his high-tech Irken equipment. More often than not, he used it to spy on Dib--now, he was going to use it to spy on someone else…

"Computer! Show me the Gaz-human."

"Whyyyy?" the robotic voice whined.

"I must see what she is capable of before our match tomorrow!" She had agreed to meet him at his base at noon the following day--to allow her a grace period during which to train, of course.

"Ughhhh, fine." The screen lit up to reveal the purple-haired girl still seated on her sofa, furiously playing on her mobile gaming device. The scene was clearly in the present, since the house was devoid of any other life and Gaz was dressed in the same outfit as earlier.

"Show me all recorded instances of this earthing in combat!" He folded his hands behind him and watched the screen expectantly.

. . .

" _ NOW _ , COMPUTER!!"

With grumbling complaints, the screen went black, then lit up again with an image of a much younger Gaz. Probably only about four, she was grinding the heel of her shoe into her older brother's face, bored eyes still locked on her handheld device. The poor boy's shouts were going completely ignored.

Zim laughed aloud in delight, impressed despite himself. "Amazing! Even since infancy, the Dib-sister has been more than a match for him in combat, despite his biological and seniority advantages!"

The screen went dark again, suddenly lighting up with an image of a young Gaz's dirty, scruffed-up face. She growled and wiped a bit of mud off her cheek. In the background, Zim could see a group of people laughing and watching. Their expressions dropped as Gaz stood up, flickering with purple lightning. Storm clouds gathered overhead.

Zim could hardly contain his glee as the small crowd was wiped out entirely. Gaz lifted the one who seemed to be the ringleader up with one hand. He begged for mercy, but this was no merciful girl--she hung him by his underwear from the top of the chain link fence. 

By this time, GIR was beside his master. "What're we screamin' about??" he asked cheerfully.

"Look!! Look at how easily the Gaz-human brings DOOOM upon her enemies!"

"Ohhhh. We LOVE doom!!" 

"Yes, GIR. We do."

The next video showed Gaz, now closer in age to when Zim had first arrived, punching out the lights of a random girl. The watchers gained a bit more context when Gaz walked back to her graffiti-covered locker. To Zim's surprise, her face seemed to crumple when she looked at it, but she moved on quickly.

"I suppose this is a sort of ritual for enemies?" He wondered aloud. But he had never seen the girl before, and it didn’t seem like they could possibly be rivals. Why would she target Gaz for ridicule if she wasn’t willing to put up a proper rivalry? Perhaps that was why Gaz seemed so upset. . . it wasn’t enough of a challenge for her. Yes, that had to be it. No child at this filthy school was strong enough for her, and it was difficult to bear… Zim himself knew the feeling well.

  
With that, the screen went dark again, and stayed that way. There was silence for a moment.

"Well??" Zim demanded. "What's the holdup?"

"I just don't. . . Haven't you seen enough to gauge what kind of fighting style she employs? You don't have to -- you want to see more?"

"Hmm. No, you're right, for once!  Hang on!" the alien vanished into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he emerged with a bowl of popcorn.

"All right, computer!" he announced, settling down on the sofa. "Begin!"

. . .

"That was incredible," Zim admitted begrudgingly as the screen faded to black one last time. Seeing Gaz doom people was a pleasure he had been missing out on. It was only the icing on the cake when she happened to be beating up his mortal enemy.

"_But_ I seem to recall there being more," he mused aloud. "Computer, are you  _ sure  _ that was all of it?"

"All of it that you'd want to see," it grumbled. Zim's antenna perked up.

"There _is_ more, then?? Show it to Zim immediately!!"

"Ughh, shouldn't have opened my mouth. No, Zim, trust me… It's not something you want to see."

"If it is a human girl bringing devastation and pain upon all who annoy her, then yes, it IS what I want to see!" Zim shouted. "Show me!"

"Fine, suit yourself."

The screen lit up to show a very angry Gaz facing a familiar-looking alien. Past Zim was mocking her visibly, as her expression grew darker and darker.

"You may have broken your STUPID brother out of my trap once, but you'll never be able to escape from the PIGGY TUBE!!"

There was a pause.

“Why is it called the Piggy Tube?” Gaz asked, genuinely confused. “There’s no piggies in here.”

“Ehh.” Zim shrugged. “GIR actually tried to help me build this one, so I let him name it.”

"I DREW SOME PIGGIES ON THE SIDE!!" GIR cheered behind him.

Gaz looked down. There indeed was some pink crayon scribbled on the lower glass where the tiny robot would be able to reach easily. It would have been slightly cute if it wasn't on a literal human containment unit.

"Anyway,” he continued, “Your  _ disgusting _ brother won't shut up about experimenting on me… so I am going to do the same to his beloved  _ sister _ ! TREMBLE before my--ehh?"

When Zim opened his eyes, the glass tube was shattered, and very obviously empty. He stared at it for a second before letting out an ear-splitting screech.

" _ GIR _ !! SOUND THE ALARMS!!"

GIR merely screamed and fled. Half a second later, a dull  _ thud  _ rang out from the shadows, and the robot fell silent.

"GIR?" Zim shivered. The sudden quiet was far more frightening than the chaos his assistant usually caused. "GIR, where did you go?"

A deep purple light flickered all around him. Zim turned around, then around again, trying to get his bearings. Quickly, he activated his PAK legs and took on a defensive stance. “Where are you,  _ human _ ?” he challenged, undaunted. “Don’t  _ hide  _ from me like a coward!” 

A moment later, there was a crash. Several huge wires disconnected and fell to the ground; the house shook.

“AAAAH! What are you doing to Zim’s HOOOOME?? Fight me like an Irken!!”

“Suit yourself,” came her quiet voice, and one of his PAK legs buckled, sending him crashing to the ground. He landed on his feet, ready to fight, but one punch from the Gaz-human and he flew backwards, hitting the tube and cracking it even more. He groaned in pain, trying to raise himself up despite the wind being knocked out of him, but froze when Gaz advanced and pushed her boot against his neck.

“Do not. Ever. Kidnap me. Again.” she growled. “I missed my  _ show _ locked in this  _ stupid  _ basement.”

“Your-- _ what _ ??”

Not bothering to grace him with any more of her precious time or energy, she turned and walked to the elevator, leaving Zim in a defeated pile on the ground.

The screen switched off.

“That was one of sixty similar scenarios,” the computer drolled. “Would you like to see the rest?”

The popcorn dropped out of present-day-Zim’s hands.

“You gonna get DIIIIE-D, Master??”

“... Yes, GIR. Yes, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Again, check out [my patreon](https://patreon.com/thecookieshop) and [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/thecookieshoparts/) for additional invader zim and zagr content :)


	3. Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle you've all been waiting for... and maybe a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAAAAANSERVIIIIIIIIIIICE

The sharp rap on the door was only two minutes after the set time they had agreed upon, but Zim still jumped near right out of his skin at the sound. He had been working at the kitchen table for simplicity and speed, but of course he had to go and lose track of time--how could it possibly be time already, it seemed like only a few minutes ago he’d glanced up and the clock read 2:34 AM? The loose wire he had dangling precariously from the tweezers clutched in his claws dropped back into the open back of his PAK modifier.

"WAIT, GIR--"

But of course GIR was already opening the door for their guest, exclaiming something inane and ridiculously enthusiastic in greeting as Zim tripped over his own feet, sweeping his work off the table and sending it crashing to the ground. In his haste, his feet tangled up in it, and he fell hard right on his face with a loud _ thud. _

He looked up, wig askew, to Gaz's raised eyebrow.

"AH! GUS!" He shouted, leaping to his feet and striking a menacing pose. "I would invite you into my incredible lair, but it seems you have already invited YOURSELF in."

"Your robot servant literally opened the door for me."

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!!" Zim pointed a shaking finger at Gaz, slamming the other hand down on the table.

To his surprise, she smiled. Zim waited for her to speak, but she remained silent, eyes nearly closed. It was kinda freaking him out.

“AHEM! As I was saying. It is nearly time for our ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN!! For practice, that is. I just need to finish a few more things. . .”

“Go ahead. I can wait.”

Without further ado, she strolled over and took a seat. For once, Zim wished she would take out her video game device or phone or something, but she merely looked at him through low-lidded eyes, chin resting on her hands with her elbows propped against the table. It wasn’t natural, normal; it was making him squeamish. 

What an impressive opponent--though the fight had not yet begun, this human was already engaged in mental battle against him! 

Zim shook off the thought and redoubled his determination to win, carefully picking up the upgraded PAK addition and raising it over his head. The mechanical legs took hold of it and fitted it over the PAK, whirring as it successfully clicked into place. There was nothing Gaz could do against superior Irken technology, especially Zim’s own invention. . .

“You done?” she asked.

“Yes. Now, be amazed!! You are about to be blessed with an honor no human has thus received--the opportunity to follow me to my secret lair!! And to your DOOM!” Zim jumped up and bounded over to the trash can gesturing at it widely. Gaz eyed it with disdain.

“I’ve already-- Seriously?”

“Does the almighty ZIM joke??” he demanded.

She scowled. “There isn’t enough room for both of us in there.”

“Eh??” Zim blinked. “No, it’s bigger on the inside.”

Gaz rolled her eyes, but finally relented, stepping carefully into the trash can. Once she disappeared inside, Zim clambered in himself, nearly landing on top of her.

“Watch it,” she growled.

“Control yourself!” he shot back. “There will be plenty of time for your unchecked aggression on the battlefield!!”

“_ My _ unchecked aggression?”

He ignored her. “Computer! Take us to the arena!”

“Your funeral,” it replied as the elevator shifted in place and began to move.

Now that he was finally alone with her, Zim clamped his mouth shut, trying to decide on what to say. He had already mentioned how lucky she was to be allowed into his base--he casually glanced sideways, trying to read her expression to see if she was being amazed yet. But no such luck--the Dib-sister’s face was unreadable as ever. If anything, even more so. He had no idea what was going through her head.

“Are you IN AWE of the incredible technology of Irk?” he blurted out.

She shrugged. “I see enough fancy tech at home. It doesn’t really surprise me anymore.”

Zim wilted visibly. “Oh. But you have never seen ALIEN technology, have you?”

“I mean, Dib still has Tak’s ship at our house. And tech is tech is tech. . .”

“What about the incredible base of ZIM! In particular, I mean.”

She thought about it. “I don’t know. I liked the glass tubes where you kept those things.”

“AH, YES!! GOOD! You have good taste for a human!! The prisoners--”

“Except when you tried to keep _ me _in one.”

Zim clammed up. The elevator doors opened.

Despite herself, Gaz blinked in surprise at the spectacle. A huge, dimly lit ring scattered with assorted items was enclosed by a ceiling-high chain-link fence Zim probably stole from somewhere.

“So this is how your species has death battles, huh?”

“Yes. Don’t touch the fence,” he called as she reached for it. “It carries an electric current strong enough to knock out a rampaging Scuuntil!”

Gaz halted her arm’s path and turned to shoot another glare at the alien. “How strong it that?”

“Eh… Not all that strong, but you still don’t want to touch it.” He pulled out a remote control and pressed a few buttons on it. The fence gate sunk into the ground, leaving a path through. Zim turned and waggled his not-eyebrows at her threateningly.

“Now is your last chance to back out, Little Gaz,” he said menacingly. “Do you dare to--”

She was already pushing past him to get to the arena. “Can it. I’ve been waiting for this.”

“Waiting?” He squinted. “Waiting to be DEFEATED??”

“Sure.” Gaz, upon reaching the far side of the arena, planted her foot firmly onto the ground and turned, lowering her arms in a defensive position. “Come at me, wimp.”

GIR scooted around behind her outside the fence, holding a bowl taller than himself full of popcorn.

“GIR, what are you doing back there??” Zim demanded.

“I’m a-here for the show!” the robot squealed, shoveling alarming amounts of popcorn down his gullet.

“Ugh.” He shook his head and walked into the arena, ignoring the flip-flopping in his squeedly-spooch when his eyes happened upon her smirking face.

“What’s the matter? Scared to look me in the eye?” she taunted. “I swear, Zim, for such a loudmouth, you’ve got nothing to back it up.”

“I’VE GOT PLENTY TO BACK IT UP!” he shrieked, stomping his foot. “Now SHUT UP so I can tell you the rules!!”

Gaz shrugged but didn’t relax her posture. “Go ahead. I’m not stopping you.”

Zim growled. “Urghh!! Okay!! The INCREDIBLE Irken death battle doesn’t necessarily end in death. There is only one round, one chance. The two must battle until one is rendered incapable of moving or fighting back any longer, or one gives up verbally and admits that the other is superior. Once the fight has been won, the victor is given the choice of how to deal with the loser.”

“And Irkens usually just kill them, huh.”

“OF COURSE! How else can one PROVE BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT their evilness and superiority??” He cleared his throat. “Of course, since you are a pitiful human and NOT an Irken, it would hardly be an achievement to defeat you in such a battle. As such, I might consider letting you live, if you--”

“When do we start?”

“Oh, either one of the fighters can begin the match at any time. Anyway, as I was saying--”

A black combat boot collided with Zim’s face at full force, sending him flying backwards. His PAK legs popped out in an instant, bracing his fall and preventing him from smashing against the fence behind him, but he could feel the impact in his back, and winced.

“OW!! What was THAT for??”

“I’m starting,” Gaz said simply, raising her fists again. “Brace yourself.”

“I--AAAAAH!!”

The girl leapt at him nimbly, and Zim barely avoided her, his PAK legs shooting up to put him out of her reach.

“HA!!” he cackled. “You can’t kick me NOW, _ Little _Gaz, now CAN YOU??”

“I don’t remember those legs being so long,” Gaz mused, unruffled. “Did you upgrade your dumb backpack just to fight me?”

“NO!!” he protested, face darkening regardless. She caught his expression--he could tell because her smirk widened and her eyes took on a knowing tone.

“Sounds like _ you’re _ the one who was scared of _ me _.”

GIR gasped in the background, through a mouthful of sticky popcorn. “Oooh!! Mastah, you gonna sit there and take that?”

“THE ALL-POWERFUL ZIM? FRIGHTENED OF A HYOO-MAN GIRL??” Zim gasped. “NONSENSE! FOOLISHNESS!”

Desperately, he kicked at her with his PAK legs. She dodged the first two jabs, but the third found its mark, catching her back and sending her tripping forwards a few steps. Faltering for a second to catch her breath, Zim made his move.

He dropped on top of her, clawing at her hair and face with both hands. It wasn’t a pretty strategy, but it had worked on Dib before--sent him crawling back home. Of course, lasers made it easier, but it should work anyway--

Gaz smacked at the creature on her back, missing him entirely over and over again. She let out a low growl that sent ripples of _ something _ down into his gut but before he could hone in on the sensation he felt the atmosphere in the building _ change _ somehow. It felt ... almost… _ electric_.

GIR let out a terrified squeak immediately before a loud CRACK resounded through the air. The dimly lit arena was suddenly filled with bright, purple light, and Gaz herself seemed to be glowing with it. A blast of shockwaves tossed him easily off of her back, sending him careening into the fence. The shock hit him in an instant--he bit back the cry of pain and instead landed hard on his feet, trying to face the enemy. His wig had fallen off in the process, and he angrily cast aside the contacts so as to see his opponent better.

The enemy _ was _glowing, and her hair was blowing wildly around her face as she glared him down, eyes burning with hellfire. He could’ve sworn her feet lifted off of the ground for a second before stomping towards him. 

Zim dove out of the way as Gaz blasted her way through the fence that had been right behind him, narrowly missing GIR. He let out a shriek of fear and fled wildly, tossing the popcorn in the air behind him and scattering it around the floor.

He backed slowly into the gaping opening she had created, eyes trained on her every movement. Gaz’s face broke into a manic grin.

“Yeah, you’re quaking in your boots. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to kick your ass for years.”

“YOU’VE NEVER HELD BACK ON KICKING ANYONE’S ‘ASS’ IN THE PAST!!” Zim shouted. “What makes ZIM different??”

She paused. “I don’t understand the question.”

“Why did you not simply ATTACK ME ON THE STREET??”

“Please,” she snorted, taking another step towards him. He jumped and took a step back. “I’m not _ Dib._”

“Of course you are not the Dib-stink,” Zim agreed. “He actually seems to care about this hideous filthy dirt-ball of a planet. You don’t care about ANYTHING!”

Gaz’s eyes darkened and she advanced further, backing Zim out of the enclosure entirely.

“I care about things.”

The glow had all but died around her.

“PSH! Yeah, like WHAT?? Your hand-held entertainment device?? There is no reality there!! Only BRAINWASHING!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said in a low voice.

“OH, I ASSURE YOU I-- OOF!”

With a low growl, she took hold of his shoulders and shoved him full on against the wall. His shoulders stung sharply, and his PAK dug into the small of his back.

“AAAGH! You’re going to damage my PAK!” Zim yelled in her face, grabbing her shoulders in return. He spun and pushed simultaneously, causing _ her _ to hit the wall with him on the outside. When she froze, he took the opportunity to catch his breath, lowering his shoulders for a moment. 

This proved a mistake when she raised her darkened, wrathful eyes to meet his. That same bizarre, unfamiliar sensation from earlier suddenly ballooned up in his gut _ again _.

Zim hesitated a split second from sheer confusion, and she seized her opportunity, cracking her forehead against his. When he screeched from pain and stumbled backwards, she kneed him viciously in the crotch area.

"BACK, FOUL THING!!” was all he could spit out, fumbling backwards to recover.

She advanced silently, fists at her side. He caught a dangerous glint in her eye and blanched.

“AAAAAAAAH!” Pride completely forgotten, Zim turned tail and fled, PAK legs popping out again to assist him in his escape. He bounded over to the elevator, pressing the button wildly to close the doors. Her hands appeared right before they could close and wrenched them apart.

“Gotcha.”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!! GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY GET--”

She pulled the doors open completely and stood over him. In one hand was some kind of--

“WHEN DID YOU PICK UP A WEAPON??” Zim shrieked. “Those aren’t allowed!!”

“Oh, and I’m sure leaving the arena to run away and using your technology as an unfair advantage is totally fair.” Gaz raised a boot and slammed it into Zim’s skull, knocking him to his knees and shoving him to the ground completely. She spun the huge knife she’d brought with her between her hands, then viciously brought it slicing down.

Zim squeezed his eyes shut as the blade swung at his neck.

A moment passed.

Then another.

Hesitantly, he opened one eye. The weapon was suspended two inches from his face, but it wasn’t moving. His eyes darted to her face, which was closed off (no surprise there) but held strange hint of something else.

_ She wasn’t going to hurt him. _

He recovered his voice.

“As much as it pains me to admit it, you have bested me, human!” Zim tilted his chin up. “It is your right to end my life, here and now. Zim is READYYY--!”

“Oh, shut up,” she said, and cast it aside. “I wasn’t gonna kill you, _ whiner _.”

“Ehh?” He blinked.

“I thought this was a training match.” Gaz frowned deeply. “You weren’t gonna kill _ me _if you won, were you?”

“What?? No!” Zim was on his feet again. “I would never-- I mean, how could I destroy my greatest enemy’s sister before him? It would be a dishonor!”

“Oh, that’s all?”

He sighed deeply. “You may have gained a _ sliver _of respect from me. That is all.”

She tilted her head and smiled oddly. “Whatever. Thanks for giving me a fight to let loose in, I haven’t gotten to do that for a while.”

That’s right, she hadn’t gotten into any real fights in years. He saw as much on the monitors the other day. He wondered what had caused her to attempt to cease the bloodshed--nothing could ever tempt him into such an act.

He didn’t need to elaborate on what he’d said, but Zim found himself continuing anyways. "You fight like an Irken," he admitted begrudgingly.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Er--yes."

"Ok, then… thanks, I guess." 

"It was quite tactical of you to use that trick with your _ hideously _ powerful _ eyes _to distract me!!" he continued. "Nothing but the STRONGEST of mind control could work on ZIM. What exactly did you use?"

"What are you talking about?" For the first time, Gaz seemed genuinely confused.

"The… the mind control?" Zim blinked. "When you used your eyes to cause my insides to squeeze up?"

"I didn't-- _ squeeze up _?"

"Yes! A sort of gooey, ehh, _ hot _feeling. But also pressure. It was quite uncomfortable, but also interestingly pleasant. How did you do it? I would like to employ the trick in future fights!"

Gaz stared at him, then shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about, dude. I guess I rattled your brains a little more than I thought."

Zim squinted at her.

“You’re LYING!”

“Ugh. I’m going home.” She shrugged and pressed the elevator button. The door slowly creaked closed, damaged from her attack. Zim watched her out of the corner of his eye.

She glanced at him, then away in a split-second.

“What do you … ehh, _ care _about?”

“What?” Gaz was sure she’d misheard him.

“You said that there are things that you care about.” Zim twiddled his fingers. “What did you mean by that? You seemed quite … angry.”

“Oh,_ that._ Don’t worry about it.” She waved a hand dismissively. The door opened and she clambered out of the trash can, walking over to the door.

Zim scampered after her without a second thought.

"That was a very good fight, Gaz. You should return sometime and we can do it again!"

"Nah. I prefer video games to real life fighting. Less mess to clean up."

"Then--Uh--Zim can play video games with you, then!" he cried desperately as she headed out the door.

She paused in the doorway and looked back. "What?"

"Video games?? You like them?? We can play the fighting game I was so much better than you at!"

Gaz snorted.

"Yeah, right. Put your money where your overly-huge mouth is..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the end.

**Author's Note:**

> gir is my favorite character to write. it's so easy to think of insane shit he would scream about. maybe because i do the same thing?? i dunno. anyway enjoy xoxo and if you feel generous (or if you want to see the next chapter before it comes out here) donate on [my patreon.](https://www.patreon.com/thecookieshop) if you dont want to/cant donate but want to help just know that i thrive off comments //le hint hint
> 
> Big shout out to my patrons, Musiclostinthought and Joe (mAMA)! Thanks for supporting my writing and art!


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